Constructive communication

In this section we look at constructive communication, watch our video and go through the four exercises that will give you tools to use to help you communicate better.

Watch this video and then follow the exercises below about constructive communication.

Exercise 1 - Constructive versus Destructive behaviour

Look at the cards below and after reading each card do you think they are a constructive or destructive behaviour.

Having a solution in mind to the problem and don't change your mind
Check out what you agree about
Show you understand the other person's point of view
Ending an arguement both feeling that you have been heard
Ending an argument upset and angry
Asking each other's point of view
Interrupting to get your point of view across
Recognising that whilst you may not agree, your partner has a valid point
Listening to the other point of view without interrupting
Withdrawing from the conversation as it's not going your way
Usiing examples from the past to prove you're right
Considering issues from somebody else's point of view
Pointing out your partner's flaws when they support your argument
Raising your voice to make sure you get your point of view across
Allow each other the opportunity to express your views
Choosing the right time
Explaining how the situation is making you feel
Teel your partner what they should do
Using insults to make your point and share your feelings
Offering possible solutiions to problems but be willing to compromise and listen to other suggestions
Accepting that you might disagree
Explaining why you feel the way you do
Come up with lots of possible solutions

Now re-read each card and consider if you have used them in your relationship.

Do you never use them, sometimes use them or always use them?

You can watch the video again for examples.


Exercise 2 - In our relationship

In our realtionship we toolkit.  Look at the cards again and where would you put the statements In our raltionship we - Always, Sometimes, Never?  How could you change a desructive behaviour and increase postitive behaviour

Click on the image for a pdf which you can download and print if you wish.


Exercise 3 - Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviour

Have a look at the example below of how our thoughts, feelings and behaviours are linked and then have a think of your own.

Thoughts and feelings toolkit.  I see, I think, I feel, I behave

Click on the image for a pdf which you can download and print if you wish.


Exercise 4 - You versus I

Find out how using the word 'I' instead of 'You' can help you communicate better.

Take a look at the 'You versus I ' cards below and think about how you use these words in your day to day communication and what effect they have on the rest of your conversation. 


Beginning with 'You' can lead to conflict whereas beginning with 'I' can help the conversation be constructive.

 'You' cards

You care more about work than your own family
You never pay me any attention, you just don't find me attractive
You're always on the phone or Facebook.  You care nore about someone else's opinion than mine
You leave me to do all the tough parenting, so the kids like you more than me
You're always out late and you are so unreliable
You contradict me all the time when I am speaking to the kids
You don't help out enough, you just expect me to clean up after you
You're not interested in me anymore

 'I' cards

Today I enjoyed
I need help with
I relax when
I have support from
I get irritated by
I can help when
I feel anxious when
I struggle to
Something I am not sure about is
I enjoy when
I would like us to start
I would like us to stop
I don't understand why
I would like us to keep
I need help with
Today I struggled with
It would be great if
Things go wrong when